By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
