I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
