My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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