He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
