And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
