If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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