I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
