Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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