Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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