I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A+ Viking dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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