apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think i have herpe
just one?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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