I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
