I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
