Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have tasted many bathrooms
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
