the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
