i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
