Whats the glycemic index on semen?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
