i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
