are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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