The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
