you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
