i would punch a child for taco bell
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
