I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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