I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
