My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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