is your mom at the bar?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
