not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
