im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
