Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
