Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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