It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
