I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
