clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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