I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize