how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
