I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
