i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
