You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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