out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
