So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Success! We fucked roommates!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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