gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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