Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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