So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
