You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
