Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize