I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
