47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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