its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just googled if crying burns calories
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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