I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need water and some morals
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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