Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize