help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
