His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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