I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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