We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
