you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
