Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
