How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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