i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Randomize
