i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
