HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
