She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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