did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
