"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is Oprah even human
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
