She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize