just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
