if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
