we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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